Monday, May 22, 2006

Simple Home Remedies

Things that everyone needs to know.
(Disclaimer: Do NOT TRY ANY OF THESE THINGS. FOR COMICAL VALUE ONLY! I cannot be sued for anything you do on this list becuase if you do them you are too STUPID to sue.)

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting somone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. (Sadly I thought this was a very good idea for me)

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough. (My all time favorite.)

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Sometimes we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40
IF it shoudn't move and does, use the duct tape.

3 comments:

Gracie said...

haha, those are great!

joe4444 said...

Before I comment on this post, I just want to point out how incredibly original that comment by Lydge was. (Sorry, just pickin' on ya like I always do)

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting somone else to hold them while you chop away.

not a bad idea...

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

Sadly, lots of people already do this. I'm not included in that, as I'm not quite that gross, but still how clean do you expected the sink to be after at least one, and probably much more, have spit their daily toothpaste into it after brushing their teeth?

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. (Sadly I thought this was a very good idea for me)

Or you could set your clock so that you dont have any spare time in the morning, so that when it wakes up your forced to jump up, run into the shower, and get ready in a hurry, which usually is a good wake-up call.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the toothache.

Its been done, more than once too, in fact enough that my finger has now declared war on me.

Anonymous said...

that is hilarious. HA and that one about the laxatives..