Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Personal Add from the McWhorter Gentlemen's Club

'Allo there! My name is Archibald Maximillan Wellington the 3rd. I am a dashing 5 foot 6 inches, and can do a bloody good two-step. I live on a smashing estate, about 20,000 kilometers worth, just outside Birmingham, England. That's Bur-ming-hum not to be confused with the Yankee city over in the colonies. I like long walks by the cliffs of Dover and beautiful Russian co-eds.
Give me a ring on the tele anytime.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Ok so let me just go ahead and say it....Ninjas win ALWAYS.

I was watching with my lovely fiance this show that I used to like, Ultimate Warrior. This one was between a Ninja and a Spartan. What they do for those of you who have not seen the show, they take a few of the basic weapons used by each warrior, do tests with them to see how much damage they can do, and then they put it all in a computer and run a series of tests to see who would win in a battle. Then they play it out in this over dramatic sequence of acting.
Here's the problem though.
Under no circumstance would a Ninja ever EVER go head to head, toe to toe with ANY enemy.
So this was from the beginning a farce.
Oh and yeah the Spartan won. Obviously. When you take a guy in clothe, and put him up against a man with a 4 ft shield, that guy wins. But first off, even then the ninja had so many opportunities to kill him and they didn't.
I'm calling shamockracy.
The Ninja would have poison shuriken, blow gun, or some other long range, shadowly, killed the Spartan before he knew he had a shield to protect him.
And even then, if you squared off, the Ninja had this guy blinded, feet wrapped up, and on the ground and still they didn't finish off the Spartan.

I hope you are just as outraged as I am.
Write your Senators.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Ode to the Founders

Quotes from our Founding Fathers: Extremist, Radicals, Revolutionaries

"A rigid economy of the public contributions and absolute interdiction of all useless expenses will go far towards keeping the government hones and unoppresive." Thomas Jefferson

"And can the liberties of a nation be thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of the people that these liberties are the gift of God? That they are not to be violated but with his wrath? Indeed I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just: that his justice cannot sleep for ever." Thomas Jefferson

"Every government degenerates when trusted to the rulers of the people alone. The people themselves, therefore, are its only safe depositories." Thomas Jefferson

"He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from oppression; for it he violates this duty, he establishes precedent that will reach to himself" Thomas Paine

"All men having power ought to be distrusted to a certain degree." James Madison

"Tis our true policy to steer clear of permanent Alliances, with any portion of the foreign world."
George Washington

"Against the insidious wiles of foreign influence, (I conjure you to believe me fellow citizens) the jealousy of a free people out to constantly awake; since history and experience prove that foreign influence is one of the most baneful foes of Republican Government." George Washington

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Hypothalamus Bumfuzzlement

Due to the increasing change in Earth's climate due to global warming health problems we have never heard of will start becoming more and more prominent. One such case is that of Hypothalamus Bumfuzzlement. This is a serious condition brought about by the widely swinging temperature degrees. When the temperature changes rapidly from 72 degrees F to 28 degrees F within 1 days the autoregulatory system of your body, controlled by the hypothalamus, becomes bumfuzzled. When this happens a person may experience occassions of feeling comfortable, and or mildly hot, and then suddenly feeling cold, or vice versa. This is a serious disease that can lead to such problems as having to wear sweaters in the summer, and tank-tops in the winter. This is just another reason why we MUST get global warming under control NOW! Before we all succomb to Hypothalamus Bumfuzzlement. Please contact your local representitive.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Near Death Experience - Lasted All Day

One simple equation, and for those of you who own Reef sandals you will understand:

Reefs + rainy day = near death experience when you try to run

The Church Survival Guide

Just some things I have been thinking on lately. Dodger always says I should write a book.

The Church Survival Guide: Discipleship 101

"Hi, what's your name?"
"Nice to meet you Joe. Are you new here?"
"Yeah, just joined last week! I'm really excited."
"That's awesome! Well, good luck."
The Church today has gotten into a bad habit. We are all to ready to get you into the church. We push, pull, prod, and on occasion drag people to come with us to church in the hopes that they will have their eyes opened by God, and see the beauty of Zion. Countless sermons, and an innumerable amount of pamphlets are employed to help the current church member break down the barriers on the path to the Christian walk. All of this is an essential part of our duty as Christians. This falls under the category of "letting our lights so shine in the world." As little beacons of the Light of God we shine forth to show the way through the darkness for His children. The problem we have today, however, is that we flip the switch off after the person or persons actually join the church. The new born Christian comes to a service after he or she has joined and finds the same loving atmosphere they came for, but a lack of hand-in-hand care they once had. The Church all too often sees the new Christian as "in" and their job is complete. However, this is where the Church's role becomes vital.
Discipleship is the first key step in a new born Christian's life. Without it the Christian will fall back into the world, give up, or never fully grow up into the mature Christian they are called to be. For the Church to continue to grow, and continue to have a world changing impact as it did in the Apostles day then we as the Church body must take a drastically more involved role in the "new born's" life.

Just an introduction. There will be more to come. Or not. Who knows.